50,000 Visitor Gets free Prada*

*   <—- See Below

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Note The Noz is not affiliated with or does not give two squirts about Prada.  Although, we recently found a Prada emblem that fell off a purse in a Chicago Taxi and thought what a great gift for #50,000

Noz Swine Flu: Update

By The Noz
Noz Senior Medical Correspondent       

 

(Noz) — Over the past week, We have been inundated with questions about swine flu, via Facebook, Twitter, TheNoz blogs and e-mail. So this week I’m empowering people with information about swine flu: how to protect yourself, what all the numbers mean and why you should freak out.

1. Hasn’t swine flu been around for a while?

Yes. Swine flu was first identified in 1930 .  Although, a drug manufacture is going into  backruptcy and decided to scare the shit out of everyone this year to boost up there stock pile of filthy money they swim in.

2. The folks who have it now, did they get it from pigs or people?

It appears that no one in the United States with swine flu had any contact with pigs. On some occassion if your mate looks like one you could obtain the flu.  Although, its only rumor we have an intern that is being tested now to verify if in fact its true. Stay Tuned

3. Swine flu is transmitted from animals to humans. Does that happen a lot?

Sure stay away from Monkeys and Sheep Sickos!

4. Should I cancel my trip to Mexico?

Yeah go to Las Vegas instead.  Unless, you like the 2 for 1 Donkey shows or street walkers but of course vegas has that.   Only thing you will gamble on in Mexico is your life and VD.

5. Should I be freaking out?

A new virus spreading quickly around the world. Young, healthy people struck dead in Mexico. Should we all be panicking?

“Absolutely Yes,” said Dr. Wolfclaws, chairman of the department of preventive medicine at The Noz  University School of Medicine and Poker. Swine flu, he said, “is spreading rapidly. Take the St. Francis School in New York. There’s been very little transmission from the schoolchildren to family members, and it certainly has spread throughout Queens.”

But, Schaffner added, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention to swine flu. “We should be alert, keep up with the information coming out daily, and take control by being attentive to your hygiene. Wash your hands and penis very, very frequently and make out with  people who are coughing and sneezing.”

6. How close do you have to be to a sick person to get swine flu?

Within Nozzing distance especially the pig faced ones.  

7. Yikes! Every day I’m that close to countless people — at work, on the bus, at church, in a movie theater. Could I get swine flu from them?

Yes.

“If you’re standing next to someone on a bus, or sitting next to someone or in front of someone in a theater and they stick their finger in your bum, you could acquire the infection in that fashion,” Schaffner said. That’s why people with the symptoms of any kind of flu — fever, diarrhea, body aches, vomiting, rectal spewing, etc. — are urged to stay home and away from groups of people.

8. Wasn’t there a vaccine at one time? Is there one now?

Sure,  Sure for a price  

9. Many young, healthy people have become sick in the United States. Many of the dead in Mexico have been young and healthy. What’s going on? Usually we think of flu as affecting the very young and the very old.

You are all going to die.

10. Why are large numbers of people dying in Mexico, but not in other countries?

Because, that eat to many beans.

The Noz is behind you sir.. you ever think about a shirt with sleeves?

The Noz enjoys some good ol’ barbwire wrestling.. screw you Mickey Rourke

The Noz strikes again.. did I mention one of our interns works here.

Star Wars Tourettes.. doesn’t get any better.

The Noz and Cliff Jumping.. come join the fun.

Recently The Noz has had some complaints that we are just a bunch of assholes that post videos and make fun of other blogs.  Well to those people.. you are correct, we love toilet humor and using fucking curse words for no god-damn reason.  

Well today i’d like to blog about Cliff Jumping.. it’s one of my favorite things to do and I enjoy finding new places (legal or not) all the time.  Recently I was told about this place over in California called Man’s Jump.   One of the locals told me the Thousand Oaks Nature Preserve is on of the best patrolled preserves in California, and the ranger waits for people to jump just to ticket them and escort them out.  Of course I have to check this out.  Upon arriving at about 3 pm I then get the knowledge that the water is 98% run-off water and the rest is raw sewage..  Great.. I am a true believer that if it smells like shit.. looks like shit.. it’s shit.  So as I’m looking around there are a couple of fat cliff jump with a nice step off.  I am eye-balling this water and it is very questionable.. i can’t tell the depth and i’m having a small issue with just getting in and checking the depth.  Then I say fuck it..  it’s only about a 45 foot jump.  I climb up the best looking step off and I swan dive this mother-fucker!  I have my mouth and nose sucked in so tight hoping I don’t catch a turd in the face.  I hit the water and my adrenal spikes…. and then i relax, the water is really cold but i didn’t break my legs on a bunch of hidden rocks.  The water does reek of rotten eggs though.  I swam up to the edge and lucky for me there is no ranger waiting.  I towel off and pour and entire gallon of fresh water on myself and get dressed and get the fuck out.  Definitely not a bad trip. 

WordPress and the the Douche Nozs.

I’ve been searching around WordPress lately and you know what i’ve found.  A bunch of crap.  I can’t find one blog that makes me laugh.. Makes me think or really even give a shit what they are writing about.  I have resorted to guerrilla tactics of just posting random comments just to piss people off and get a reaction.  I finally had a big score with this turd lipper. http://oldfartblog.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/strange-weirdo/#comment-474

I digress… my point is people start blogs to escape their random boring lives.. And what do they blog about.. Their opinion.. Their feelings.. ?? Yeah right.. they blog about their boring ass life and how much fun it is to walk their dog around the park picking up their shit in a baggy, or ask you to read their derelict poetry, or ask you about the last time you roller-skated.. And then when i’m the only one with the balls to say your blog sucks, they act like a bunch of martyrs.. What a bunch of superficial assholes. Don’t start a blog or live your life worrying about what everyone else in the fucking world thinks of you.  The Noz and I do what the hell we want and don’t give 2 shits about anyone else’s opinion on it.  We actually prefer someone to critize us vs. saying we are great.

Breaking NozNews: Myspace now infected with the Swine Flu

 This Mugshot is evidence that the flu is being spread on Myspace just look at this mess.  Matthew is now depressed how could that be one might ask themselves?  Stay Tuned for more Swine Flu Reports

And Visist Myspace Mugshots

#1 Reason to buy a Real Dog

Tinker Bell has been reunited with her owners after a 70-mph gust of wind picked up the six-pound Chihuahua and tossed her out of sight.

The Noz loves the Tourettes Guy.. laugh until you cry Nozzers..

The Noz beefs up their security team

Help The Noz rid the world of these Turd lippers!

It’s the weekend!

The Noz fights back

Nooch Medicine

The Noz is bored to tears…

I don’t know what it is today.. but I am bored to tears.. I have absolutely no motivation to be funny.. to work or to even just go to sleep. Our generation is the mindless self pity lifestyle that will ruin us.  What do we really have to look for? The next Iphone release.. the next double stack 3,000 calorie burger covered enough shit to kill a horse.  Why do we need preservatives and additives and splenda.. I say fuck splenda and this artificially flavored world of shit.  I say live for the moment and let the chips fall when they may.  Some times you fell like you’ve hit rock bottom…then some asshole throws you a shovel and tells you to start digging.

The NOZ tries online dating… I guess honestly doesn’t pay.

Is it me.. or did this guy just get a dirty sanchez

The NOZ 1st Public Accouncement…

The Noz does this for Fun

Motorboat

Pirates of Liberty City

staring: Don Cheadale

The Noz needs help with a Tux

Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Anna’
Anna: Hi! Can I help you with a question?
you: Hey Anna how are you?
Anna: Good thanks.
Anna: And you?
you: i’m hanging on a thread of life Anna..
you: How is big Jim treating you
Anna: Who’s big Jim?
you: Isn’t this Jim’s Formal Wear?
Anna: Yes, but Jim died in the 90’s. I’m not sure he’s treating any body to any thing.
you: OMG.. i’m sorry Anna.. were you too close?
Anna: No, we were not close.
you: Oh.. is that why the charges were dropped?
you: Do you know alot about the Tuxs?
Anna: I sure do. Do you have a question about tuxes?
Anna: Or are you just bored?
you: I do.. first off.. I forgot to tell you my name.. I am Susan.. yes i am bored.. are you
you: My partner and I are getting married this summer in Boston and we are looking to find myself a tux
Anna: Susan? I thought this was Ahmed? No, I’m not bored. We’re actually very busy right now.
you: who is Ahmed? I’m at the library.. and they are busy too
Anna: Ahmed was the person using the same IP address earlier this morning. He was bored too.
you: i don’t know him.. there is like 20 computers here.. can you get back to my issue
Anna: We do not carry tuxedos made specifically for women in our rental line.
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

Leaked Pics of Rush’s WIfe?!?!?

invite 3 peeps to comment on our site for the real pics!!!

Ridin Dirty Noz Sytlee

WE NEED YOUR ANSWERS!

Dell can Suck my NOZ…

This is an automated email sent from Dell Chat. The following information is a log of your session. Please save the log for your records.
Time	Details
04/15/2009 09:37:37AM	System: “Thanks for choosing chat for your technical support needs. A chat agent will be with you shortly. Just so you know, you can also visit our website at support.dell.com to get technical help.”
04/15/2009 09:39:02AM	Session Started with Agent (Chander_172077)
04/15/2009 09:39:05AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Thank you for contacting Dell Technical Support. My name is Chander and my Rep ID is 172077. How may I assist you?”
04/15/2009 09:39:15AM	Leonard Shelby: “are you there”
04/15/2009 09:39:40AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Yes I am.”
04/15/2009 09:39:43AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “How may I assist you?”
04/15/2009 09:40:34AM	Leonard Shelby: “Praise Allah!! can you please address me as Amir.. I don’t believe the sign in to the chat agrees with Muslim names”
04/15/2009 09:41:35AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Hello Amir.”
04/15/2009 09:41:39AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “How may I assist you?”
04/15/2009 09:42:29AM	Leonard Shelby: “Well Mr. Chandler Bing.. my computer seems to have me in a pickle.. it’s days before Eid Al-Adha and i cannot get my live video to work”
04/15/2009 09:43:09AM	Leonard Shelby: “Are you in India sir?”
04/15/2009 09:43:40AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Your chat has been routed to India.”
04/15/2009 09:44:07AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “As per the records with me, you have an Inspiron 2500 with Windows XP installed as an operating system on it. Am I correct?”
04/15/2009 09:45:00AM	Leonard Shelby: “Iqamat Al-Salat is coming up and i can’t see my brothers”
04/15/2009 09:45:45AM	Leonard Shelby: “you are correct with my systems”
04/15/2009 09:46:04AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Okay. Are you using the same system to chat with us?”
04/15/2009 09:47:23AM	Leonard Shelby: “no.. i’m on my mac”
04/15/2009 09:47:48AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Thank you for the information.”
04/15/2009 09:48:26AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, before we proceed ahead with the issue, may I know the Full name/ phone #/ street address / Zip code given at the time of system purchase?”
04/15/2009 09:51:20AM	Leonard Shelby: “I bought the computer in Yemen”
04/15/2009 09:52:27AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, we need to have original owners information before we can proceed further.”
04/15/2009 09:53:20AM	Leonard Shelby: “No need to get testy.. you obviously don’t trust Allah to guide you..”
04/15/2009 09:55:54AM	Leonard Shelby: “So i take it you are having a hard time finding a job after Friends?”
04/15/2009 09:57:37AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, I can assist with the technical issues with the system, however before that I need to verify the original owners account information.”
04/15/2009 09:58:26AM	Leonard Shelby: “Al-sa leem El Ebrahim is the original owner”
04/15/2009 09:59:50AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “I’m afraid, the information does not match.”
04/15/2009 10:00:22AM	Leonard Shelby: “Chandler Bing.. what is your Allah given name son.”
04/15/2009 10:00:51AM	Leonard Shelby: “what is the best software for viewing blue prints”
04/15/2009 10:02:19AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, I’m afraid I being in the hardware support do not have any information on this. You can contact our Dell on Call support for this.”
04/15/2009 10:02:47AM	Leonard Shelby: “What kind of hardware does Dell produce for Helicopters”
04/15/2009 10:03:16AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Leonard, I’d request you to check this with the Helicopter manufacturing companies.”
04/15/2009 10:03:56AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, we can proceed with the troubleshooting if you can verify the actual details of the original owner. Otherwise, I’m afraid I will have to disconnect the chat.”
04/15/2009 10:04:04AM	Leonard Shelby: “they told me to talk to Dell… come on.. I know you guys make those Air Hog Helicopters right here in India.. my 26 kids love them”
04/15/2009 10:04:25AM	Leonard Shelby: “let me check on his american name”
04/15/2009 10:05:04AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, if you have any relevant questions for the Dell technical support, I’ll be glad to answer them or else I will have to disconnect the chat.”
04/15/2009 10:05:34AM	Leonard Shelby: “Rollon Tomasi”
04/15/2009 10:05:39AM	Leonard Shelby: “does that name work”
04/15/2009 10:06:59AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Amir, since there are not hardware questions, I will be disconnecting the chat now.”
04/15/2009 10:07:02AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Thank you for contacting Dell Technical Support. Have a wonderful day ahead.”
04/15/2009 10:07:04AM	Agent (Chander_172077): “Good Bye.”
04/15/2009 10:07:05AM	Session Ended

Dont Make the Noz Open up a can of

YUMMY

Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt CherryCharge Whoop Ass ON you! 

Top That!?!?! You have something better We doubt it! Send your pics to Noznews@gmail.com

HERE FOR THE UNEDITED PICS???

Make 3 comments and they will appear below!

We have shown over 100k people the pics

NEW RULE:

Buy A Shirt

I guess they don’t like In-mates here?

The Noz is Stevey – Just an FYI for you derelicts that don’t get it.

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

You are now chatting with ‘Mindy’
Mindy: Hello Stevey! How may I help you?
Stevey : what’s up girlfried
Stevey : i’m fabulous!!
Mindy: Are you interested in attending one of the Art Institutes?
Stevey : You know it girl..
Stevey : are ya there?
Mindy: Which location are you interested in?
Stevey : what do you have on the west coast.. anything by San Fran.. near the rainbow grotto
Mindy: We have a location in San Francisco.
Mindy: Which program of study are you interested in?
Mindy: Here’s the link to the programs offered at the The Art Institute of California – San Francisco:
Mindy: http://www.artinstitutes.edu/sanfrancisco/programdegrees.asp
Stevey : i want all fashion baby.. i’m looking to be the first man to bring out The High Heel for Men, dwarves and Hobbits!
Mindy: That’s great! Here is a link to our Fashion Design program:
Mindy: http://www.artinstitutes.edu/sanfrancisco/Academics/Default.aspx?discipline=7&subdiscipline=&command=Programs&program=380
Mindy: When are you thinking about starting school?
Stevey : You think it’s a good idea?
Mindy: That’s great goal!
Mindy: When are you looking to start?
Stevey : As soon as i get out of prison.. so if I had to lock down a time frame… i’d say 3-6 months..
Mindy: Have you had the chance to speak with an admissions representative yet about your interest in attending?
Stevey : Mindy.. you are the first women i’ve talked to in about 2 years..
Mindy: What I’d recommend is that you talk to an admissions representative to discuss the admissions process and the details of the program. If you provide me with your full name and phone number, I can have someone contact you. Would that be helpful?
Stevey : well i don’t have a phone in my cell girl.. you on facebook?
Mindy: We are currently helping other students that are interested in our schools and programs. This is not a chat room for entertainment purposes. I would be happy to assist you in regards to questions

My Dell does not work :O(

2:46:00 PM        System  You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat

 2:46:00 PM        System  Connected with Srikanth_187924

 2:46:00 PM        Srikanth_187924  Thank you for contacting Dell Hardware Support. My name is Srikanth and my rep ID number is 187924 How may I help you today?

 2:46:08 PM        Rollon Tomasi  You ther Sir

 2:46:30 PM        Srikanth_187924  Yes Rollon, How may I help you today?

 2:46:37 PM        Rollon Tomasi  r u a sir

 2:47:05 PM        Rollon Tomasi  you a robot?

 2:47:43 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Hello?

 2:48:10 PM        Srikanth_187924  Of course not, I am Srikanth.

 2:48:14 PM        Rollon Tomasi  whats 2 + 2 = 

 2:48:30 PM        Srikanth_187924  4

 2:48:34 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Great

 2:48:39 PM        Rollon Tomasi  so I have this problem

 2:48:45 PM        Srikanth_187924  Thank you.

 2:48:58 PM        Srikanth_187924  I will certainly do my best to help you in this regard.

 2:49:12 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I bought this dell pc and it says it comes with a tower…

 2:49:34 PM        Srikanth_187924  Okay.

 2:49:37 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I guess my tower and the person who sold me the tower description of a tower is different

 2:50:17 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I was expecting something like the effel tower or the leaning tower.

 2:50:26 PM        Rollon Tomasi  i believed i was duped

 2:50:46 PM        Rollon Tomasi  you multitaksing?

 2:51:00 PM        Srikanth_187924  No Rollon.

 2:51:13 PM        Rollon Tomasi  What does a tower do?

 2:51:30 PM        Srikanth_187924  Do you want me to help you with the specifications of the system?

 2:51:59 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Yes the tower is my main concern

 2:52:25 PM        Srikanth_187924  I will surely help you with that.

 2:52:27 PM        Rollon Tomasi  and he said something about the fastest chips on earth

 2:52:38 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I have not found one potato chip yet!!!!

 2:52:50 PM        Srikanth_187924  Are you using an Inspiron 2500 system with Windows ME as the operating system?

 2:53:04 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Me?

 2:53:09 PM        Rollon Tomasi  or You?

 2:53:26 PM        Srikanth_187924  You Rollon.

 2:53:33 PM        Rollon Tomasi  You mean i bought a ME?

 2:53:57 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I dont know how to operate this system I think its a Wii

 2:54:34 PM        Rollon Tomasi  maybe i should try wii fit for help 

 2:54:35 PM        Srikanth_187924  Please let me know if you are using a Inspiron 2500 with Windows ME as the operating system?

 2:54:36 PM        Rollon Tomasi  :O(

 2:54:48 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Inspiron Dell yes

 2:55:14 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I believe its Windows Me thats good right

 2:55:15 PM        Srikanth_187924  Okay.

 2:55:28 PM        Srikanth_187924  Thank you Rollon.

 2:55:48 PM        Srikanth_187924  Please let me know the exact issue you are having with the system.

 2:55:51 PM        Rollon Tomasi  I like the spider game when it works

 2:56:28 PM        Srikanth_187924  Okay.

 2:56:38 PM        Rollon Tomasi  So the tower 

 2:57:02 PM        Rollon Tomasi  sometimes it does no light up

 2:57:40 PM        Srikanth_187924  Rollon are you chatting from the same system?

 2:57:43 PM        Rollon Tomasi  my sister has to kick it and sreams I hate Dell …. 

 2:58:00 PM        Rollon Tomasi  no im at the Library they have spiders too

 2:58:24 PM        Rollon Tomasi  i should have never bought this from craigslist huh…. 

 2:59:02 PM        Srikanth_187924  Rollon, are you having issues with the system not turning ‘ON’?

 2:59:08 PM        Rollon Tomasi  yes 

 2:59:15 PM        Rollon Tomasi  hence im at the library

 2:59:36 PM        Rollon Tomasi  you are a slow robot

 3:00:05 PM        Srikanth_187924  I am sorry about that Rollon.

 3:00:20 PM        Srikanth_187924  Do you have the system with you now?

 3:00:36 PM        Rollon Tomasi  yes its in my backpack you wanna see it?

 3:01:30 PM        Srikanth_187924  Rollon, please connect the adapter to the system and push the power button to turn it on.

 3:01:34 PM        Rollon Tomasi  its pretty banged up though after my sister leg dropped it from the top bunk 

 3:02:03 PM        Rollon Tomasi  there is no button just a screw driver should i press it in further?

 3:02:24 PM        Srikanth_187924  Rollon, is the system damaged?

 3:02:33 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Sir Kanny no sir its in tip top

 3:02:47 PM        Rollon Tomasi  i beat the spider 500 times

 3:03:08 PM        Rollon Tomasi  you thank its broke?

 3:03:29 PM        Rollon Tomasi  Robot?

Install it Today with Rollo Tomasi

 You are now chatting with Amir Basri (Service Experience Team
Thank you for your patience when waiting for Live Help, we apologize for any delays that you may experience.
Currently 1 users waiting for Live Help. [Refresh]Would you like to continue wa

 

iting or leave an Offline Email ?

Amir@IIT: Welcome to Live Help, how are you today?

Rollo Tomasi: hhhhhhheeeelllll pppp

Rollo Tomasi: hello i

Amir@IIT: Hi, my name is Amir from IIT, what seems to be the problem?

Rollo Tomasi: I cant find my mouse

Amir@IIT: Are you on a laptop or desktop?

Rollo Tomasi: i believe its a desktop

Amir@IIT: ok, can you “physically” not find your mouse, or is it not showing up on your desktop?

Rollo Tomasi: physically? I dont see my mouse icon maybe?

Rollo Tomasi: should i press ctrl alt del maybe…

Amir@IIT: And you are not bale to use your mouse at all?

Rollo Tomasi: no and I really need it

Amir@IIT: excuse me, not able to use your mouse?

Rollo Tomasi: should my mouse have red eyes?

Amir@IIT: I am sorry to hear that you are having issues when you need your pc. I think we can help though. What zip code do you live in?

Rollo Tomasi: 574

Amir@IIT: city and state?

Rollo Tomasi: niles, mi

Rollo Tomasi: but my mouse is in chicago

Rollo Tomasi: you know what i think i found out whats wrong

Amir@IIT: is there anything else I can help you with today?

Rollo Tomasi: what have you helped me with

Amir@IIT: If you would like, I can have a professional come to your home or office and either replace a lost mouse, or if you have one and it is not working find a solution.

Rollo Tomasi: would they come to my semi trailer?

Rollo Tomasi: hello is the service always this fast?

Rollo Tomasi: Bamir?

Amir@IIT: Sorry, we would not come out to a semi trailer, but if you have a home or business address we would be happy to assist

Rollo Tomasi: what if i parked it in front of my business or home?

Rollo Tomasi: i have a tom tom maybe i could get half off if i come to you?

Rollo Tomasi: Bamir?

Amir@IIT: Are yous till having issues with your mouse?

Rollo Tomasi: yes that is why im here.

Rollo Tomasi: you think it could be the driver?

Amir@IIT: Describe what is happening in more detail for me. You mentioned you do not have an icon, can you see the pointer on the screen?

Rollo Tomasi: nope just some bugs?

Amir@IIT: I am sorry…you see bugs on your screen?

Rollo Tomasi: yeah in my semi

Amir@IIT: Do you have a mobile phone we can contact you at in your location in Chicago?

Rollo Tomasi: nope sorry i have a tom tom can i come to the office? Im losing sleep over this mouse

Amir@IIT: If you would like to drive to 3033 Excelsior Blvd. ste G-10 in Minneapolis, Minnesota I would be happy to look at it and find a solution for you.

Rollo Tomasi: ill get back to you im being pulled over now

Rollo Tomasi: lovely

Amir@IIT: Be safe out there.

Rollo Tomasi: have fun BAMIR

Amir@IIT: You to Rollo, thank you.

Rollo Tomasi: “ill be back ” Terminator get it

Amir@IIT: Anytime Rollo.

Rollo Tomasi: you like rollo’s?

Amir@IIT: Big time.

Rollo Tomasi: Nice hold on Sargent Smith is talking to me he is making fun of my mouse

Rollo Tomasi: he says you should fix it for free

Amir@IIT: Have a nice day!

The support operator has closed this support request.

To improve our customer service, please rate this chat session:

http://www.installittoday.com/

Librarian’s just don’t like The Noz

Hello Tyler Durden,

Your chat transcript with a librarian at Ask Here PA Public

Date: 09:12 2009/04/09
Question ID: 4396903

Chat Transcript: Do you know anything about Hitler Germany?

[Librarian 09:12:21]: Librarian ‘Lancaster PL Erin’ has joined the session.
[Librarian 09:13:25]: Welcome to Ask Here PA. My name is Erin and I will be helping you today. Is there a particular topic regarding Hitlers Germany you are interested in?
[Tyler Durden 09:13:26]: Hello Erin, can you list your creditials
[Librarian 09:14:15]: I am a Reference Librarian at Lancaster Public Library
[Tyler Durden 09:14:48]: I’m trying to find the reason my Mein Kampf is looked at as a negative book.. did you attend college to be a Librarian?
[Librarian 09:15:11]: I have a masters degree
[Tyler Durden 09:16:08]: Wow Erin you have a Master and are stuck being a Librarian.. are you like an Indiana Jones type Librarian or a book worm Librarian?
[Tyler Durden 09:18:19]: i’m on pins and needles over here
[Librarian 09:18:36]: You have a question about Mein Kampf?
[Tyler Durden 09:19:12]: have you read it? I hear it’s like the Koran but with less murder
[Tyler Durden 09:22:11]: where did you attend for you Masters? Did you have a SAT style exam on the Dewey Decimal System?
[Librarian 09:23:05]: No I have not read it. Here is a synopsis. http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/GERantisemitism.htm
[Tyler Durden 09:24:27]: Do you think Tom Cruise pretty much screwed Germany with his performance in Valkerie
[Librarian 09:25:58]: I did not see the movie. Do you have any other questions regarding Mein Kampf?
[Tyler Durden 09:27:42]: Well if you buy the popcorn i’ll sneak us in.. I know the film projector.. what about the book, Everyone Poops.. is it offensive for adults
[Librarian 09:30:37]: It is a children’s book on a biological function and offensive is in the eye of the beholder, but I should think so.
[Tyler Durden 09:31:29]: Do you think I could make it big with this book- Everybody Farts
[Librarian 09:32:21]: Sir if you do not have any additional reference questions there are other people waiting.
[Tyler Durden 09:33:01]: ok ok.. with your extensive education, what is the best and worst book ever written.
[Librarian 09:33:36]: That is a matter of personal taste
[Tyler Durden 09:34:25]: i’m asking you though. Fire away. I need something to read that I can complain about and praise about
[Librarian 09:36:43]: Sir, you should go to your local library and ask for some book recommendations tailored to you interests. Thank you for using Ask Here Pa.
[Librarian 09:36:45]: Librarian ended chat session

Team America Races to Hijacked Ship by Skinnies

Yes, it is. Now suck my cock

American crew members aboard a U.S.-flagged ship hijacked by Skinny pirates Wednesday were able to regain control of the vessel, but a crew member is still being held hostage, FOX News confirms.

U.S. officials said American warships and Team America should be on the scene any second. U.S. Navy officials told FOX News Wednesday afternoon that its closest ship was 300 miles away, which would place it 15 hours from the vessel.  Although, 3 boats were capsized by Team America’s sub as it raced by. 

Bob Saget Action Figure Ebay Live Chat Help!

   

12:05:26 PM  System                 

Initial Question/Comment: Listing Your Item               

12:05:31 PM  System                 

Thank you for contacting eBay Live Help!                

12:05:31 PM  System                 

You are successfully connected to eBay Live Help. Please hold

for the next available Live Help Agent.          

12:05:51 PM  System                 

Martin B. has joined this session!                

12:05:51 PM  System                 

Connected with Martin B.                 

12:05:56 PM  Martin B.                 

Hello, thanks for waiting and welcome to eBay Live Help! My name is Martin.

How may I help you?          

12:06:30 PM  Tyler                  

yeah Im trying to sell a Bob Saget Action figure and Im having problems

with what category I should put it in?         

12:06:46 PM  Martin B.                 

oh! I see.                   

12:06:53 PM  Tyler                  

Are you a Fan?                  

12:07:26 PM  Martin B.                 

Hmm.. Actually, I’m not a fan.                 

12:07:52 PM  Tyler                  

What!?!?! so can you help me if you dont like him?               

12:07:56 PM  Martin B.                 

With so many categories to choose from on eBay, deciding which category is best for your item can be difficult.         

12:08:15 PM  Tyler                  

I know you see my problem.                 

12:08:52 PM  Martin B.                 

you can access two helpful resources (the details are described below):              

#NAME?                   

#NAME?                   

12:08:58 PM  Martin B.                 

The Suggested Categories feature generates a list of categories based on your keywords.

It also shows you typical items from each category.      

12:09:31 PM  Tyler                  

Hhhhmmm what about like with Barbie and Ken is there a section for that or even Thundercats?          

12:09:51 PM  Martin B.                 

To use Suggested Categories, please follow these steps:               

                    

1. Go to the Sell Your Item form.                

12:09:56 PM  Martin B.                 

2. Enter the keywords that describe your item in the “What are you selling?” box, and then click the

“Sell It” button.        

12:10:08 PM  Martin B.                  

The system will generate a list of suggested categories. The Suggested Categories feature is available

for both main and secondary categories.      

12:10:28 PM  Tyler                  

So no Bob Saget Category?                 

12:10:46 PM  Martin B.                 

What you can do is you also can try a Completed Listings search. This will give you an idea of the categories

and titles that other sellers used to sell items similar to yours.   

12:10:56 PM  Martin B.                 

To search for the Completed Listings, please follow these steps:              

                   

1. Click the “Advanced Search” link located at the top of most eBay pages.            

12:11:06 PM  Martin B.                 

2. Enter your keywords and any other search information.               

3. Select the “Completed listings” check box in the “Search including” section.             

4. Click the “Search” button. You may be asked to sign in.              

12:11:10 PM  Tyler                  

Have you ever sold an action figure like Bob?               

12:11:31 PM  Martin B.                 

No, I never an action figure like Bob.                

12:11:39 PM  Tyler                  

excuse me?                  

12:12:06 PM  Martin B.                  

Frankly speaking, every person has their own taste.              

12:12:11 PM  Tyler                  

you think I could get at least $2 for each Bob?               

12:12:26 PM  Martin B.                 

Yes, you may get.                   

12:12:50 PM  Tyler                  

I have my whole life ridding on this investment I hope its no AIG scam             

12:13:12 PM  Tyler                  

You prefer AIG over BoB?                 

12:13:56 PM  Tyler                  

Okay i get it you dont like either How about But it now or auction style?              

12:14:52 PM  Tyler                  

hhhmm maybe amazon is more suitable for my auction               

12:14:56 PM  Martin B.                 

It’s upon your discretion, you can either list the items with Buy It Now price or in auction format.          

12:15:16 PM  Martin B.                 

It would be better if you list it in Buy It Now price.               

12:15:40 PM  Tyler                  

Nice what if I have a bob Saget that looks like Jesus with sun glasses on?             

12:17:21 PM  Martin B.                 

I do understand what you are trying to say. Every person on earth has their own taste. You are a big fan of

Bob saget but not every person on earth likes it.     

12:17:22 PM  Martin B.                 

Am I right?                  

12:17:36 PM  Tyler                  

Your a Stamos Fan?                  

12:17:36 PM  Martin B.                 

I hope you understand.                 

12:18:16 PM  Martin B.                 

Yes, I’m a fan of his.                  

12:18:41 PM  Tyler                  

Sweet Well when I get his Action Figure I will look you up Martian B             

12:18:56 PM  Martin B.                 

He is an Emmy Award-nominated American television/theatre actor.             

12:19:06 PM  Martin B.                 

I just love him.                  

12:19:26 PM  Martin B.                 

Sure..                   

12:19:33 PM  Tyler                  

That Awesome Martian I am glad you have a hero but what about BOB?              

12:19:56 PM  Martin B.                 

Matthew berry?                  

Do you like                  

12:20:01 PM  Martin B.                 

perry*                   

12:20:31 PM  Martin B.                 

He has got a second name “Chandler”.                

12:20:37 PM  Tyler                  

No he is Noz I prefer Bob Saget 3-1 over just about anyone except Uncle Jessie             

12:21:31 PM  Martin B.                  

See, you have your own taste, I can’t force you to accept matthew perry as your favorite actor.          

12:21:53 PM  Tyler                  

maybe do you have an action figure for him?               

12:22:11 PM  Martin B.                 

No, I don’t keep action figures.                

12:22:31 PM  Tyler                  

Man Martian how do you pick up chicks or are the gay?              

12:23:11 PM  Martin B.                 

I’m sorry but I cannot discuss this. If you have any eBay related issues, you can go ahead and I’ll help you out.         

12:23:30 PM  Tyler                  

you have done enough Martian enjoy our planet               

12:24:01 PM  Martin B.                 

It’s been a pleasure chatting with you. I’ll leave this window open for now so you can copy any information you want.

To close this chat window, go ahead and click on the “Exit” button whenever you’re ready.

12:24:06 PM  Martin B.                 

Bye and take care.                                 

Noz goes to college?

So The Noz has decided to check out going back to college.. the last trip there was filled with hops and bong residue.. this time we are SERIOUS! We decided to contact a local school thru their website.. He is how it when down.

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

You are now chatting with ‘Jodi’
Jodi: Hello Tyler! How may I help you?
Tyler Durden: Hello, i was wondering if you can tell me what time the classes are for the Digital Photography courses in Seattle
Jodi: Are you a current student?
Tyler Durden: no, i just moved to Seattle to start some new fight clubs and I’d like to finish up my degree. I have 63 credits from another college.. But i worked during the day with the Cobra Commander
Jodi: At this time, we do not have a set schedule for the programs. It could change every quarter depending on what classes are offered.
Tyler Durden: is there any classes after 4:30pm that you know of? Are you the Jodi from Full House?
Jodi: I would be more than happy to get you in touch with an admissions representative. They can talk to you about the schedule in more detail as well as the flexibility.
Jodi: Sorry-I am not her!
Tyler Durden: that’s too bad.. i’m sure you are smarter than her. Have you taken any classes from this school?
Jodi: I am sorry, but I have not. I work with all of The Art Institutes!
Jodi: Have you requested information before?
Tyler Durden: why do you ask?
Tyler Durden: what is the website for the course class listing?
Jodi: I would be more than happy to let your admissions representative know that you are interested in the schedule.
Jodi: http://www.artinstitutes.edu/seattle/Academics/Default.aspx?discipline=6&subdiscipline=&command=Programs&program=1399
Jodi: Here is a link that will show you the classes.
Tyler Durden: that was almost creepy.. it automatically came up on my screen. Is there a website that lists all the majors for Indianapolis? also do you know Bob Saget?
Jodi: Here is the link for the programs. You will have to click on the (4) types of programs, then click on programs & curriculums.
Jodi: This will show you the list!
Tyler Durden: Thanks.. do you know if the Chicago location is better? or have more options
Jodi: There may be more programs available, but we do not rank our schools in any fashion.
Jodi: Here’s the link to the programs we offer at The Illinois Institute of Art – Chicago:
Jodi: http://www.artinstitutes.edu/chicago/programdegrees.asp
Tyler Durden: Nice.. you are a plethora of information.. do you also work for http://www.thenoz.wordpress.com
Jodi: I try to give the best information!
Jodi: Would you like to put in a request for more information with our admissions department?
Tyler Durden: will you be there if I need someone to hold my hand?
Jodi: I am sorry but I will not be at the campuses. Your admissions representative would be more than happy to help though!
Tyler Durden: In all seriousness, i will take the photo # to the chicago campus
Jodi: Sure! The number to the school is 800-351-3450.
Jodi: Would you also like me to put a request in for you?
Tyler Durden: no that’s ok.. those recruiters will hunt me down until i give them a vial of my Ginger Vampire Blood… oh and by the way..
Jodi: Ok! That’s not a problem!
Tyler Durden: well Jodi.. if that’s your real name.. go buy yourself a big cup of coffee and enjoy the morning over there in Prague
Jodi: Thanks! You have a great day yourself!
Tyler Durden: thanks… hey can i borrow $20
AGENT HAS DISCONNECTED

Kazakhstan offers to host nuclear fuel bank

Funny the summit will be held in ALMATY, Kazakhstan I guess you would pronounce that AllMighty maybe, We do know Borat will be the keynote speaker along with his sister number 2 prostitute in Kazakhstan

HOW MUCH

 – Kazakhstan offered Monday to host an international nuclear fuel bank, and Iran’s leader said he supported the idea.

The United States initiated the project and allocated $50 million toward it in 2007.

Kazakhstan’s President Nursultan Nazarbayev said Monday that his Central Asian country would be an appropriate place for such a depository, as it was giving up its own Soviet-era nuclear arsenal.

If created, the global fuel bank would undermine claims by Iran and other states that they need to develop their own fuel enrichment programs.

Jabba the Rush

ICP STYLEE

Fuck The Noz, Fuck The Nooch,  and is muthfuckin pooch,
Fuck Idol, Fuck Simon,  Fuck Paula and the pills shes poppin,
Fuck the economy and the government,
Fuck the Koreans, the Iraqs and the Russians we want no part of it,
Fuck Obama Fuck Bush
Fuck the whole system in the Tush,
Fuck Taxes fuck the Lottery
Fucking take everything outta me, You can have it all so dont fuck with me,
Fuck my boss and his boss,  I dont give a fuck
Fuck O’Reilly, Fuck Maury, Fuck Jerry you all fucking suck,
Fuck all the do gooders and your brother Larry,
Fuck my teachers and the principle you never liked so yeah fuck you too,
Fuck it all even if you like us we dont give a fuck.
Dont be fooled we still love you call me back or Ill fucking hate you too

No More Muthafukin Boat

“THE BULL”

More like THE NOZ this another example on whats wrong with America people like him.

NEW YORK (CNN) — Federal marshals corralled Bernard Madoff’s yacht “Bull” in a south Florida marina Wednesday as part of what is expected to be a series of court-ordered seizures of the disgraced financier’s assets.