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Graduated to http://www.dailynoz.blogspot.com

Fuck WordPress!

You don’t even know who you are anymore.

I’m living a life filled with material things that own me.  I hate myself for not being able to stop.  I am burning thru money for shit I don’t need. I should be spending my money on something of value, but I buy shit.  My TV isn’t big enough, I don’t have Espn 15 yet I don’t watch sports.  I need this 5^th pair of rain boots and I fucking hate the rain.  We are the children of a society of selfishness and laziness. We have no honor in what we do or who we work for.  We sell each other out for monetary gains. Don’t you fucking snicker at me because I know you are guilty. My hands covered in the blood of useless purchases from Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and Malls.  Fuck you Home Depot and your plethora of paint and lawn furniture. All I WANT IS TRUTH.  I know it will never happen and the frustration just builds up and up. We are the middle children of history just pissing away on useless electronics and trinkets of shit. The miserable part of the whole deal is this; If I asked you what is the one thing you want to do before you die.. What would it be.. You have 30 seconds…. Leave your answer in the comment section..

Heavy is the Head that wears the Crown

Megan Fox secret Fangerbang Video!!!

Well Vanna… i’m going to go with….

See all the Photos of Rihanna only at THENOZ

Too Hot for WordPress
See what Chris Brown was Hitting On Moved to

http://dailynoz.blogspot.com

 

Dont put the Beer Back its the Weekend

Just a classic way we like to roll

well duh… everyone knows horses are immune to aids

There is one Noz is every crowd

The sport is reuiouned close up shop.  What a crock, what a sham, what b.s.  Just when you thought it was over, out comes what we thought was a bright only to be soiled.  This noz will miss 50 games and oh hell round it up about $7.65 million.  Why would this noz go to a private Doc when he has a free doc.  Let Manny Explain, “saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.” 

 

Exclusive Noz Report ONLY

“But they never find the weed I smuggle in my hair.  “

This is why The Noz doesn’t do high school speeches anymore..

I’m sure his daughter and wife were kidnapped and there is a bomb somewhere in LA..

 

Jack Bauer..shit I mean Kiefer just got busted for headbutting a NYPD cop.. I heard that the cop was actually working for Jaques Sanchez who is one of the world’s largest human feces traffic smugglers next to Jabba the Hut.  Apparently the cop told Kiefer, he should have never made that movie Dark City.. but he’s like an autograph on his Special Limited Edition Lost Boys VHS.  You know if some moron was carrying around a VHS copy of any movie should just be thrown to the wolves.  Well Jack.. PISS.. i mean Kiefer.. god speed to you and don’t forget this blog is in real time and this post took place between 1:50-1:52 PM EST on the day that it just wouldn’t stop fucking raining.

THE NUT BRA

Al Gore V.S. Tourettes Guy..

Just good ol Tourettes….PISS PISS shhhittttt

Getting Durty w/Ms. Cali

THE NOZ

WE Don’t really know who she is or care but, we guess she is kinda  big deal right now ?!?

Ironically Leonardo was later busted for being a Petterass

And I’m pretty sure Leonardo is the only one that has ever been laid.

Bitch better have my money..

I honestly don’t know who’s saying that..

Dont Shave your Balls for me Argentina!!!?!?

Every Tuesday

The NOZ is hiring..

Only in Indiana

Customer Service

The Noz has decided today is FTW Day

Dude! what does mine say.. Sweet.. what does mine say..

Some people get tattoos for good reasons.. some just get them to be bigger Douche Nozzles..

A priceless public service announcement..

Dwight.. what about Kodiak bears? or those fucking little Care Bears??

A blind man fell to his death in an elevator shaft

Man I guess he did not see that coming. 

The body of 67-year-old Sheldon Scott was discovered Thursday night inside a 10-story apartment building in the Bronx where he lived with his wife.

Scott’s wife reported him missing Thursday afternoon, about four hours after he left their third-floor apartment to go to the bank. Officers who searched the building later found him in the elevator shaft. Police said Scott was legally blind.

The medical examiner’s office on Friday ruled the death an accident. An autopsy found Scott died of blunt impact to his head and torso.

The building has been cited for 14 elevator violations since 1991, including three that were dismissed on Wednesday, according to a city Web site. A separate complaint logged Thursday from a caller reporting Scott’s death includes a notation saying, “shaft open/unguarded.”

City Department of Buildings spokesman Tony Sclafani said the accident was under investigation, but declined further comment. There was no response to a telephone message left with the building’s owner.

arrrggghhh… we’ll chop off yer cock and feed it to ah croc! Somalia Pirates WE!

This just in… The Somalian Pirates are rated gayer than these cock-mongers!

We tried to give the 50,000 vistor his Prada.. this is what he said..

The Noz is feeling it today…

I’m really starting to feel it today.  Today is friday and it’s been raining for days. I am yurning for the sun and a piece of the outdoors. To best sum up today.. here is the lyrics to a song I thought fit the mood.

Take a photograph, 
It’ll be the last, 
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here, 

I dont have a past 
I just have a chance, 
Not a family or honest plee remains to say, 

Rain rain go away, 
Come again another day, 
All the world is waiting for the sun. 

Is it you i want, 
or just the notion 
of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around 

Safe to say from here, 
Your getting closer now, 
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be 

Rain rain go away, 
Come again another day, 
All the world is waiting for the sun. 

Rain rain go away, 
Come again another day, 
All the world is waiting for the sun. 

To lie here under you, 
is all that i could ever do, 
To lie here under you is all, 
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do, 
To lie here under you is all, 

Rain rain go away, 
Come again another day, 
All the world is waiting for the sun. 

50,000 Visitor Gets free Prada*

*   <—- See Below

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Note The Noz is not affiliated with or does not give two squirts about Prada.  Although, we recently found a Prada emblem that fell off a purse in a Chicago Taxi and thought what a great gift for #50,000

Noz Swine Flu: Update

By The Noz
Noz Senior Medical Correspondent       

 

(Noz) — Over the past week, We have been inundated with questions about swine flu, via Facebook, Twitter, TheNoz blogs and e-mail. So this week I’m empowering people with information about swine flu: how to protect yourself, what all the numbers mean and why you should freak out.

1. Hasn’t swine flu been around for a while?

Yes. Swine flu was first identified in 1930 .  Although, a drug manufacture is going into  backruptcy and decided to scare the shit out of everyone this year to boost up there stock pile of filthy money they swim in.

2. The folks who have it now, did they get it from pigs or people?

It appears that no one in the United States with swine flu had any contact with pigs. On some occassion if your mate looks like one you could obtain the flu.  Although, its only rumor we have an intern that is being tested now to verify if in fact its true. Stay Tuned

3. Swine flu is transmitted from animals to humans. Does that happen a lot?

Sure stay away from Monkeys and Sheep Sickos!

4. Should I cancel my trip to Mexico?

Yeah go to Las Vegas instead.  Unless, you like the 2 for 1 Donkey shows or street walkers but of course vegas has that.   Only thing you will gamble on in Mexico is your life and VD.

5. Should I be freaking out?

A new virus spreading quickly around the world. Young, healthy people struck dead in Mexico. Should we all be panicking?

“Absolutely Yes,” said Dr. Wolfclaws, chairman of the department of preventive medicine at The Noz  University School of Medicine and Poker. Swine flu, he said, “is spreading rapidly. Take the St. Francis School in New York. There’s been very little transmission from the schoolchildren to family members, and it certainly has spread throughout Queens.”

But, Schaffner added, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention to swine flu. “We should be alert, keep up with the information coming out daily, and take control by being attentive to your hygiene. Wash your hands and penis very, very frequently and make out with  people who are coughing and sneezing.”

6. How close do you have to be to a sick person to get swine flu?

Within Nozzing distance especially the pig faced ones.  

7. Yikes! Every day I’m that close to countless people — at work, on the bus, at church, in a movie theater. Could I get swine flu from them?

Yes.

“If you’re standing next to someone on a bus, or sitting next to someone or in front of someone in a theater and they stick their finger in your bum, you could acquire the infection in that fashion,” Schaffner said. That’s why people with the symptoms of any kind of flu — fever, diarrhea, body aches, vomiting, rectal spewing, etc. — are urged to stay home and away from groups of people.

8. Wasn’t there a vaccine at one time? Is there one now?

Sure,  Sure for a price  

9. Many young, healthy people have become sick in the United States. Many of the dead in Mexico have been young and healthy. What’s going on? Usually we think of flu as affecting the very young and the very old.

You are all going to die.

10. Why are large numbers of people dying in Mexico, but not in other countries?

Because, that eat to many beans.

The Noz is behind you sir.. you ever think about a shirt with sleeves?

The Noz enjoys some good ol’ barbwire wrestling.. screw you Mickey Rourke

The Noz strikes again.. did I mention one of our interns works here.

Star Wars Tourettes.. doesn’t get any better.

The Noz and Cliff Jumping.. come join the fun.

Recently The Noz has had some complaints that we are just a bunch of assholes that post videos and make fun of other blogs.  Well to those people.. you are correct, we love toilet humor and using fucking curse words for no god-damn reason.  

Well today i’d like to blog about Cliff Jumping.. it’s one of my favorite things to do and I enjoy finding new places (legal or not) all the time.  Recently I was told about this place over in California called Man’s Jump.   One of the locals told me the Thousand Oaks Nature Preserve is on of the best patrolled preserves in California, and the ranger waits for people to jump just to ticket them and escort them out.  Of course I have to check this out.  Upon arriving at about 3 pm I then get the knowledge that the water is 98% run-off water and the rest is raw sewage..  Great.. I am a true believer that if it smells like shit.. looks like shit.. it’s shit.  So as I’m looking around there are a couple of fat cliff jump with a nice step off.  I am eye-balling this water and it is very questionable.. i can’t tell the depth and i’m having a small issue with just getting in and checking the depth.  Then I say fuck it..  it’s only about a 45 foot jump.  I climb up the best looking step off and I swan dive this mother-fucker!  I have my mouth and nose sucked in so tight hoping I don’t catch a turd in the face.  I hit the water and my adrenal spikes…. and then i relax, the water is really cold but i didn’t break my legs on a bunch of hidden rocks.  The water does reek of rotten eggs though.  I swam up to the edge and lucky for me there is no ranger waiting.  I towel off and pour and entire gallon of fresh water on myself and get dressed and get the fuck out.  Definitely not a bad trip. 

WordPress and the the Douche Nozs.

I’ve been searching around WordPress lately and you know what i’ve found.  A bunch of crap.  I can’t find one blog that makes me laugh.. Makes me think or really even give a shit what they are writing about.  I have resorted to guerrilla tactics of just posting random comments just to piss people off and get a reaction.  I finally had a big score with this turd lipper. http://oldfartblog.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/strange-weirdo/#comment-474

I digress… my point is people start blogs to escape their random boring lives.. And what do they blog about.. Their opinion.. Their feelings.. ?? Yeah right.. they blog about their boring ass life and how much fun it is to walk their dog around the park picking up their shit in a baggy, or ask you to read their derelict poetry, or ask you about the last time you roller-skated.. And then when i’m the only one with the balls to say your blog sucks, they act like a bunch of martyrs.. What a bunch of superficial assholes. Don’t start a blog or live your life worrying about what everyone else in the fucking world thinks of you.  The Noz and I do what the hell we want and don’t give 2 shits about anyone else’s opinion on it.  We actually prefer someone to critize us vs. saying we are great.

Breaking NozNews: Myspace now infected with the Swine Flu

 This Mugshot is evidence that the flu is being spread on Myspace just look at this mess.  Matthew is now depressed how could that be one might ask themselves?  Stay Tuned for more Swine Flu Reports

And Visist Myspace Mugshots

#1 Reason to buy a Real Dog

Tinker Bell has been reunited with her owners after a 70-mph gust of wind picked up the six-pound Chihuahua and tossed her out of sight.

The Noz loves the Tourettes Guy.. laugh until you cry Nozzers..

The Noz beefs up their security team

Help The Noz rid the world of these Turd lippers!

It’s the weekend!

The Noz fights back

Nooch Medicine

The Noz is bored to tears…

I don’t know what it is today.. but I am bored to tears.. I have absolutely no motivation to be funny.. to work or to even just go to sleep. Our generation is the mindless self pity lifestyle that will ruin us.  What do we really have to look for? The next Iphone release.. the next double stack 3,000 calorie burger covered enough shit to kill a horse.  Why do we need preservatives and additives and splenda.. I say fuck splenda and this artificially flavored world of shit.  I say live for the moment and let the chips fall when they may.  Some times you fell like you’ve hit rock bottom…then some asshole throws you a shovel and tells you to start digging.

The NOZ tries online dating… I guess honestly doesn’t pay.

Is it me.. or did this guy just get a dirty sanchez

The NOZ 1st Public Accouncement…